Renewal

I was about ready to give this, my third wayward blog, the boot until someone told me that he still read it, so I guess I can keep it up for at least a little while longer. I've had so much to say lately, but sometimes it's so much that I can't even make it linear or literary or functional. I just want to forget about it. Easier said than done.

In the last month: a) my sister has officially and legally ousted me as her guardian. My little sister is literally taking me to court so that I can no longer tell her what to do. And, to be honest, it's the biggest weight off my shoulders. When I took lifeguarding training the instructor told us that if a drowning person is hampering your chance of survival by floundering and pulling you under, you have to violently and swiftly push them away from you and swim to safety. You cannot trade your life for theirs. This feels like that. Only I guess she's pushing herself away because I wasn't strong enough to do it; b) I slept with my co-worker. Not only my co-worker, someone who works on my floor. Not only my floor but 15 feet from my desk. And, in the aftermath of our semi-drunken mistake-or-non-mistake, he decided that it was a bad idea and we should just be friends. And, while I 100% logically concur, I still hurt hurt hurt inside when I see him everyday. Or I hear him from his office with his Australian accent mumbling something incoherent but silky smooth. You see exhibit b) was a distraction from exhibit a) and that's how it's always been. It's time for me to find a new way around these things.

Tomorrow Google is taking us to Disneyland. It's so crazy that someone, or a group of someones, organized 5,000 plane tickets and hotel rooms and entrance tickets and they're shutting down the whole complex on Tuesday from 8pm to 1am so we can have some ridiculous Disneyland dance party. Somehow that feels a little perverse--I used to dance with Snow White at Disneyland. Now I'll be dancing...like a ho.

Anyhow, these days are slow and a little down, but everything improves all in good time.